Truck Nuts

Trucks nuts are disgusting. If you own a pair of these I am 100% certain we are not compatible humans on any level. To add insult to injury, you probably really like Nickelback. And Budwesier. And NASCAR. Stop living. Please.

These novelty nuts are not funny. They’re not “shocking”. They serve no purpose aside from letting people know you are a shitty person. If you have kids, and you own a pair of truck nuts, there should be a law allowing the government to take away your children.

There’s only 2 things amusing about truck nuts. One is the fact that people think it’s an OK thing to own. Hell, they’re probably proud to own them, and that’s downright scary. These are the people who voted for George W. Bush. Twice.

Reason number two: The names companies use to advertise the different types of truck nuts they offer. For example: “Black Tuxedo Nuts”, “Blue Balls”, “Fireman Red Nuts”, “Flesh Nuts”, “Juicy Orange Nuts”, “Nuts of Steel”, and “Shiny Brass Balls”. Oh, and you can get them on a key ring too. Thank God (truck nuts might also prove that there is no God).

The only reason Barrack Obama will not become President is because truck nuts exist and there are people who buy them. Global warming will not cease, the war in Iraq will not end, and blind patriotism will lead to our downfall all because of truck nuts. Truck nuts with American flags on them.