Yes, Master

what i learned from watching the masters:
- anthony kim has the best worst belt buckle ever.
- the bunkers are filled with crushed marble.
- the commentators think it's possible for one to have the shot of their career, yet that same shot is not their best shot of the tournament.

Best. Anything. Ever.

This video cannot be topped lyrically, nor visually. It's educational, entertaining, and inspiring all at once.



Best 2 lines:

"Water, fire, air, and dirt /
Fucking magnets, how do they work?"

"I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco Bay /
It tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away."

Pure. Mother Fucking. Magic.

Camokini

"The pervasiveness of camouflage - from fashion to war - attests to the troubled relationship with violence that seems to characterize modern times." - Thomas Hirschhorn

Bobby Jindal

I really don't like this guy. Watching his response to Obama's Congressional Address was outright painful. Nobody wants to follow an Obama speech, but that sing-songy load of crap was pathetic. You can watch the full video here. Just watch the first 2 minutes to get the point. This isn't just because I love Obama; Jindal's speech has been practically universally slammed.

Also, something that I noticed live last night, and found terribly funny, has been picked up by the online community: As MSNBC cuts away to Jindal's live speech somebody didn't kill (we have to assume) Keith Olbermann's mic quick enough. Listen to the very clear, and disgusted sounding, "oh, God..." as Jindal approaches the mic.

UPDATE: It was actually Chris Matthews who uttered the "Oh, God" and he doesn't seem to care. Good for him.

Lastly, I'm relatively new to following the world of politics, but it seemed like Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, stood up quite often during last night's address. I found one site reporting that she stood up 34 times during the 1 hour speech. Hemroids?

If SNL is live this week they were just given 2 early Christmas presents.

America™

I just finished reading The Travel Book: A Journey Through Every Country in the World by Lonely Planet. Great book. They profile 230 countries (some territories, etc.), with each country getting 2 pages of coverage, mostly dominated by photos. Each country also gets a section called "Trademarks" where they list what each country is known for, or what you're bound to encounter while there. I found the United States of America's trademarks to be a little... well, shitty. Here they are, presented without altercation or omission:

"Burgers, fries, and Budweiser; red-white-and-blue T-shirts; sneaker and jeans; yuppies in SUVs, cowboys in pickups; loud people; gun lovers; dangerous cities"

McCain in "The Squirmer"

Please take a moment and watch the video below. If you get enjoyment out of watching people freak out inside their head while trying to remain outwardly calm you can't get much better than this.

Why I'm Voting Republican... Psyche!

Lara Logan

If you know me, you know I’m a big advocate of The Daily Show. I feel like Jon Stewart’s interviews are generally insightful and thought-provoking, but last night’s episode featured one of the best interviews I’ve ever seen on his show. His guest was Lara Logan, Chief Foreign Correspondent for CBS News. Not only is she strikingly gorgeous with a sexy-as-hell accent, but she’s well-spoken, intelligent, and bad-ass. She’s embedded herself with Navy Seals, had her hotel blown up and survived, said, “What’s up, Mother Fuckers?” on air, and said that if she watched U.S. news she’d “blow her brains out.” Take the time and bask in the glory that is Lara Logan:

Proud to Be an American (?)

Michelle Obama has received a lot of heat for her somewhat negligent comment about being a proud American for the first time. Yes, it was a poor choice of words. She probably didn’t mean for it to come across as anti-American. Whatever her intention, my question is: So what if she hasn’t been 100% proud to be an American? I’m not 100% proud to be an American. Sure, part of me is, but part of me isn’t. Last time I checked, “Pride” was one of the 7 Deadliest Sins. Look up “pride” and you’ll find that most definitions carry a negative connotation. Pride leads to stubbornness and stubbornness leads to loss and defeat.

Synonyms of pride: conceit, egotism, vanity. Antonym: humility.

It seems like most people are quick to say that “American is the greatest country on Earth”. This is nothing more than arrogant, blind Patriotism. I’ve asked people why they feel that we’re the best country, and I haven’t received a good answer. My mom’s response? “Because we’re the land of the free and the home of the brave”. Her answer was a slogan, a bumper sticker.

Yes, we’ve had our moments. Yes, we show signs of greatness. But I also see Tila Tequila on TV and shitheads on Fox News wasting my time talking about “terrorist fist jabs” and “Obama’s Baby Mama Drama”. There's a fucking war going on. I don't want to hear about him wearing or not wearing a lapel pin. He's running for the fucking Presidency and people are questioning his loyalty to this country? It’s cliché, but I shouldn’t be getting my news from the Daily Show or the Colbert Report, but I have to. Our press has no spine.

If we were the greatest country in the world Americans would wear American flag patches on their backpacks when they travel abroad like other countries do, but we don’t. Instead, our backpacks are blank while every single Canadian makes damn sure they have their flag on their backpack to avoid being mistaken as an American citizen.

I’ve had conversations with grown, “normal” adults who says Barack Obama will “paint the White House black”, and that’s actually their first argument against his campaign. At least know the facts, know where your guy stands, and have a legit reason for voting for them. I’ll admit that I have prejudices that I’m not proud of, but I am in no way racist. I am encountering “intelligent” people who “can’t vote for a black man” and it’s blowing my mind. If we were the greatest country on Earth our Middle Class would be educated enough and cultured enough to not make such ignorant comments.

I’m sick of hearing Obama’s not experienced enough; he meets every requirement necessary to be President. I’m sick of hearing about how he’s nothing more than just an eloquent speaker. At this point it’s obvious that our government isn’t run by one man; It’s that one man and the people he surrounds himself with. If he can motivate people, can energize them, and get them to care, than that’s the point. I trust that those around him will guide him, that he’ll listen to the people, and try something new as opposed to following the status quo that has done nothing but tarnish America’s image. Experience? Experience has gotten us nowhere. Our country is in a cluster-fuck and I’m ready to start from scratch.

You can fact-check here and read about the truthiness of anti-Obama rumors here.

Obama Clinches

Heck Yes.

China Is Scary

This month’s RollingStone featured an article by Naomi Klein entitled “China’s All-Seeing Eye”. In the article, China’s obsession with surveillance technology was discussed, as well as what the U.S. is doing to aid it, and what we’re not doing to stop it. It was a lot to take in, but I feel there was a lot of information worth sharing. Below is my attempt to break it down in a way that’s easy to understand while keeping the facts in check. (Click here for the full article)

Shenzhen – A city in China with a population of 12.4 million people. 30 years ago this city did not exist. The city was built as an experiment, 1 of 4 areas in China where capitalism would be permitted while under the eye of the Communist Party.

Shenzhen makes iPods, laptops, sneakers, televisions, cell phones, jeans, furniture, cars, printers, etc. It has 9 Wal-Marts, and multiple U.S. fast-food chains line the streets.

Huawei is China’s telecom giant. Their research complex is so large that it has its own highway exit and city bus line for its employees.

As the Olympic Games in Beijing grow nearer, Shenzhen is being used as a testing ground for new surveillance equipment. In the last 2 years over 200,000 cameras have been installed, many hidden in lampposts. All of these cameras are on the same network, allowing the government to watch the entire city. In the next 3 years 2 million more cameras will be installed in Shenzhen.
- China’s surveillance camera market generated over $4 billion dollars last year.
- China’s government has ordered that all Internet cafes, restaurants, and entertainment venues install cameras with direct feeds to local police stations.

Golden Shield – China’s all-encompassing security network, with an end-goal of being able to watch its citizens through people-tracking technologies, thus preventing any uprisings before they can gather momentum. This network is made possible, in part, by U.S. companies such as IBM, Honeywell, and General Electric.

Citizens will be monitored on phone calls, be subjected to voice-recognition technology, have their Internet access limited by China’s “Great Firewall”, and have a national ID card with a computer chip storing personal info, as well as a photo, which can be uploaded at police stations. When Golden Shield is complete, there will be a database with information pertaining to all of China’s 1.3 billion citizens.

Golden Shield was recently tested during the riots in Tibet. China was able to limit, and in some cases, completely shut down Internet access. Outgoing calls were blocked, and police were actually able to text message citizens telling them to behave. The police later used surveillance footage from lamppost cameras to make a “highlight” reel of the most violent rioters contrasted with footage of police behaving with level-headed restraint. This propaganda piece was shown repeatedly on national news programs, and a most-wanted list of Tibetan rioters was compiled.

Ministry of Public Security in Beijing – is staging a “10-Million-Faces Test”. Companies in China will compete to see whose software is best able to implement face-recognition technology. The winners will be awarded fat government contracts and guaranteed business for years to come as their software is integrated with other Golden Shield Technology.

L-1 Identity Solutions (their web site is fucking sci-fi, Minority Report, Tom-Cruise-jumping-up-and-down-on-the-couch-crazy!) – Connecticut-based defense contractor. Maker of passports and biometric security systems. Former CIA director, George Tenet, is a board member. Thanks to government contracts, their expected 2011 revenue is over $1 billion.

L-1 has licensed its technology to a Chinese company called Pixel Solutions. Pixel Solutions, with the help of L-1’s software, hopes to be a winner in the 10-Million-Faces Test. This relationship may, or may not, be illegal in the U.S. After Tiananmen Square, the U.S. made it illegal for companies sell “crime control or detection instruments or equipment” to China. Because the U.S. government could not foresee such technology such as face-detection software, the L-1/Pixel Solution relationship has been allowed to exist.

L-1’s presence is China’s emerging surveillance markets is worrying because of what they do in the U.S. L-1 makes passports, takes finger prints of visitors to the U.S., supplies biometric equipment to U.S. soldiers, maintains our State Departments “largest facial-recognition database system”, and producers driver’s licenses in a handful of states.

L-1 is now offering a program called “Fly Clear” that will relieve people from waiting on long lines at the airport. To enroll in the program, one must get their fingerprints taken, their irises scanned, and carry a biometric chip with their personal info.

U.S. Companies Involved in Aiding or bowing down to China:
IBM, Honeywell, and General Electric have sold equipment and technology.

Google has made a special Chinese search engine that filters “sensitive” material.

Cisco has supplied hardware for the “Great Firewall”.

Microsoft has removed politically-charged blogs at Beijing’s request.

Yahoo has relinquished email-account info which led to multiple arrests, including that of a well-known journalist.

Chinese Companies of Note:
FSAN CCTV System makes 400,000 security cameras a year, half of which are exported to cities such as Manhattan and London.

China Security & Surveillance Technology has developed software to alert police when a large group of people have suddenly gathered.

Aebell Electrical Technologies has an English brochure to advertise their security cameras. The brochure features American iconography, including the New York skyline prior to 9/11. They’ll be going public on the Nasdaq by year’s end.

Misc.:
- “The U.S. currently has more people behind bars than China, despite a population less than a quarter of its size.”
- “The global homeland security business is now worth an estimated $200 billion – more than Hollywood and the music industry combined.”
- The Defense Department once tried to implement a plan similar to China’s Golden Shield. It was called “Total Information Awareness”, and a top executive at L-1 has a plan called “Operation Noble Shield.”

It’s amazing that we can stage a war with the intent of bringing democracy to a country, yet there are huge U.S. companies willing to alter their product to meet China’s undemocratic demands. In the U.S. we don’t care about democracy as much as we care about money… or Clay Aiken’s artificial insemination baby... Or how “Sex and the City” did at the box office (it beat “Indiana Jones”).

Australia Withdraws Troops

In what seems like a big deal, but for some reason isn't being covered as such, Australia has officially declared to cease combat operations in Iraq. To symbolize this event, an Australian flag was lowered at a base in southern Iraq. This move makes good on a promise by Australia's new Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, that he made during his campaign last year. Good on him for sticking to his word.

I would consider the fact that one of our allies in this war, an entire continent, has declared "enough is enough" to be front page news. However, I only learned about it from a 10 second piece on CNN. I wanted to learn more, so I went to Google News. There was no mention of it under the "World" section. I searched "Australia", and finally an article came up. It was listed third under a story on cricket and an energy company possibly being sold. Not only that, the Associated Press article was only 4 sentences, totalling 77 words. Wow.

For more on the Australian perspective, check out this article from the Sydney Morning Herald.

Energy Monopoly

It's reassuring when big companies recognize the need to explore alternative energy sources. I recently found out that Parker Brothers / Hasboro has done just that. In August, they'll unveil "Monopoly Here & Now: World Edition". Instead of the "Electric Company" and "Water Works" utility spaces, they'll feature "Wind Energy" and "Solar Energy" in their place.

Even if you believe Global Warming is a farce, what's wrong with treating the environment better? Even if pollution isn't causing global climate change, wouldn't it be nice to power our world and do so in a way that would prevent grey skies and poor air conditions? Why be opposed to alternative sources of energy that have the potential to cost you, the consumer, less? Why be opposed to deleting our dependence on oil, the cause behind almost every international conflict and catalyst of war? Don't deny a good thing just because it might take some time and effort. The first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that there is one, and the people behind Monopoly have done just that.

Truck Nuts

Trucks nuts are disgusting. If you own a pair of these I am 100% certain we are not compatible humans on any level. To add insult to injury, you probably really like Nickelback. And Budwesier. And NASCAR. Stop living. Please.

These novelty nuts are not funny. They’re not “shocking”. They serve no purpose aside from letting people know you are a shitty person. If you have kids, and you own a pair of truck nuts, there should be a law allowing the government to take away your children.

There’s only 2 things amusing about truck nuts. One is the fact that people think it’s an OK thing to own. Hell, they’re probably proud to own them, and that’s downright scary. These are the people who voted for George W. Bush. Twice.

Reason number two: The names companies use to advertise the different types of truck nuts they offer. For example: “Black Tuxedo Nuts”, “Blue Balls”, “Fireman Red Nuts”, “Flesh Nuts”, “Juicy Orange Nuts”, “Nuts of Steel”, and “Shiny Brass Balls”. Oh, and you can get them on a key ring too. Thank God (truck nuts might also prove that there is no God).

The only reason Barrack Obama will not become President is because truck nuts exist and there are people who buy them. Global warming will not cease, the war in Iraq will not end, and blind patriotism will lead to our downfall all because of truck nuts. Truck nuts with American flags on them.